recovering perfectionist

gone fishing

Kirsten was busy all weekend, trying to finish a project before we head off to family camp, so I was in charge of the kids. Anytime I’m alone with the kids my battle plan is to keep them busy--so we went fishing. Our church has a pond that is stocked and I love that it’s just 5 minutes from our house. Ben was proud that he caught the first fish. Caleb caught the biggest, and Sarah was the only one to bait her own hook--of course. Here are a few pictures from our expedition ...

All three hooks in the water--only time that happened.

Ben and the first fish.

 
Caleb and the biggest fish.

Sarah and her fish.

Sarah baiting her own hook.

humility

I know you’ve read about the Worship Pastor Residency we began at Fellowship this fall. The new resident and I have been getting to know each other well over the past few months. We’re meeting regularly to discuss what’s going on, books we’re reading, etc. Yesterday I had the bright idea to meet on the racquetball court.

Did I mention he just got out of college?

I’ve been bugging people to play me, and I should have known better when he readily accepted. In fact, I’m remembering now that when he asked the last time I played I told him it’s been about three or four years, he said, “really.” Now I know that wasn’t a “man I’m sorry” really, but a “I think I’m going to whip your #@$” really. Excuse the symbols. Actually, I’m pleased to report that no symbols came out of my mouth until the third game. That makes me glad to type--we really made it to a third game.

Did I mention he’s 23?

I could always hold my own on the racquetball court. Yes, “could” is the operative word. That was back in college. We played a lot then ... 18 years ago. @$*#! I’m glad I just finished C.J. Mahaney’s book, Humility: True Greatness. I put it into practice. In fact, we were discussing a book we’re reading called Flashbang: How I Got Over Myself. One of my favorite books. Why? Because I learned about five years ago that I needed to get over myself. I was reminded of that today--intensely--for one hour.

Did I mention he played tennis in college?

After the first game, I decided to not talk so much. I attribute the 15-0 defeat to my jovial nature, keeping things light and fun. The second game ended at 15-2. Progress. In the third game we were tied at one point, before he pulled away to a 15-3 win. The way I see it is that if we just had time, after about 14 more games I would have won. Just ran out of time.

Humility. It’s an endearing trait. I practiced it yesterday. As I was walking to my car he made some crack about Advil. I just waved as I was concentrating on keeping my balance. Honestly, it was fun and I’m sure we’ll play again. I think he got a kick out of it. Oh, at one point I did tell him he was fired. That ought to help him with his humility.

view from the top

I found this website with 360 degree views from several incredible places around the world--mount everest, the matterhorn, the great wall. Very cool. Probably places you'll never go. Worth checking out ... 360 degree site. (This link takes you directly to mount everest and then you can see other links below--I thought the homepage was confusing.)

I looked to see if Long's Peak was there--obviously not, but I did find some videos online of other's hikes to the top. You've got to watch a few to appreciate my earlier post about our hike. Not sure why we weren't told to wear helmets and use ropes!!

The Narrows

The Homestretch

The Summit

myself and the mountain

I’ve thought a lot about my hike up Long’s Peak. I look at it as something I’ll probably never do again, and something that taught me quite a bit. I remember going to bed the night before the hike--of course, we were up at 12:15 to drive to the trailhead so I tried to go to sleep at 9:00. I couldn’t fall asleep, so much was spinning in my head. A lot of that was worry. We’d talked with people during the few days in Estes Park and they all had stories of Long’s Peak--how treacherous the narrows and ledges are, how challenging it is. We’d read several books about it that were in our cabin--things like people dying on the hike! So I didn’t fall asleep easily. I found myself spinning those thoughts into worry that wasn’t worth it. I’m reading (slowly) a book called Humility, and in it the author talks about how often we listen to lies from ourselves instead of speaking truth to ourselves. For me, so much of that centers around worry. As I thought about that, Proverbs 3:5-6 came into my mind. I thought about it for awhile and finally fell asleep. As we started the hike about four hours later I found myself thinking about that Scripture, and even praying that God would direct my path. What that became (over the entire day--especially the really intense spots) was a meditation on that verse. We hiked for five hours in the dark. Several times we’d stop and turn off our headlamps to look up into the sky. The stars were innumerable and I couldn’t stop thinking about Psalm 104 that says, “He stretches out the heavens like a tent.” As I said Proverbs 3:5-6 again I got to the part that says, “In all your ways acknowledge Him,” and I began to thank Him for the stars and the night hike, the five shooting stars I’d seen, and the beauty of the milky way. That went on all day, thanking Him for the beauty of the mountains and acknowledging Him as creator of it all. Of course, I said the part about Him directing your path over and over in the tough spots. It was an interesting day as I was so aware of God, all He’d created around me, and my dependence on Him.

My other big revelation from the hike was that it was the most intense thing I’ve ever done. Ever. Seriously. I’ve always done what comes naturally, what comes easy. After the hike up Long’s Peak I felt like I’d run a marathon. And in a sense, me signing up and running a marathon this weekend is kind of equivalent to the hike. I’d gotten in “better” shape over the last seven months, dropped twelve pounds, but hadn’t really trained to hike 16 miles up one of the Rockie’s 14ers, with an elevation gain of 4,855 feet! But I did it. I stood, exhilarated, on the summit after the most trying hike I’ll ever make. Then I realized I had to do it all again, backwards--you know what I mean. I said in my earlier post about it that I found gears I didn’t know I had. I was thoroughly exhausted but was able to reach inside and get the strength to put one foot in front of the other--in the right place--for eight miles--in high altitude. I learned something about myself--that I can dig deep and there’s something there. I can push myself and can make it. This sounds odd, but I’ve never had to push myself physically. I have played 36 holes in one day but this was something altogether different.

When I signed the “scroll” on top of the mountain, I marked it with Proverbs 3:5-6, reminding me of the day of conversation and meditation with God. I will probably never hike Long’s Peak again. I’ll hike other (shorter) mountains, but will always remember what I learned on Long’s Peak during the intense battle I had with myself and the mountain.

hike #3 - long's peak

There’s no way I’ll be able to describe this hike--no way. It was absolutely beautiful, incredibly dangerous, and the most intense thing I’ve ever done. I’ve never had to push myself so hard in my entire life. I found gears I never knew I had. Long’s Peak is the tallest mountain in Rocky Mountain National Park (14,255 feet), 15th tallest in Colorado, and has an elevation gain of 4,855 feet. I read that 10,000 people try to hike it every year and only 3,000 make it. I should have paid more attention to that--and other warning signs, but we made it ... and are absolutely exhausted. And the view from the top is like no other in the park--amazing.

We began the hike at 1am as it’s 16 miles round trip and we needed to summit before thunderstorms. We hiked for five and a half hours in the dark, with headlamps. I’ve put some pictures below to show you certain parts of the hike. Here’s the gist of it ... We hiked 5.9 miles to the boulder field, about a half mile through that to the keyhole. After the keyhole we hiked the ledges for about a third of a mile, then climbed the trough for about 800 feet (a granite face at about a 50 degree angle). After the trough we hiked about another third of a mile on the narrows, which like the ledges, drop about 1,000 feet. Once through the narrows you climb the home stretch to the summit, about 450 vertical feet (about a 75 degree angle). We could’ve been killed. For real. God and I had a long, continuous conversation today.

This is the boulder field and the keyhole in the background. We hiked over these boulders for half a mile, many as big as cars.

Here are the ledges. The narrows look like this too--1,000 to 2,000 foot drops as you're hanging on to rock crevices.

This is John coming down the homestretch. You can see the incline.

Me on top of the summit.

hike #2 - hallett peak

Alright. My fingers don’t hurt so I can type. I can talk but not real fast. Everything else hurts. Today’s hike was more intense. Hallett Peak is a 12,713 foot mountain, 10.3 miles round trip, and an elevation gain of 3,200 feet. We started this morning at 7am and were able to get off the mountain before the thunderstorms (finished at 3:30pm). Hallett Peak sits right on the Continental Divide and to get to the peak we had to walk across the top (plenty of room) of Tyndall Glacier. Again, no one was affected by the altitude, and our plan to acclimate seems to be working--hiking is just a lot of hard work. I calculated the number of calories I burned today ... a conservative estimate is 4,000 ... yeah, I know. A few more pictures in today’s post. Tomorrow we rest for Long’s Peak, the big hike on Tuesday.

This is Bear Lake at the trailhead for Hallett Peak (in the background).

John and I in front of Tyndall Glacier, before the trek to the peak.

This is the final ascent to the peak, about 300 feet up at about a 45 degree angle.

Me at the summit, not yet thinking about the 5 mile downhill hike to follow.

hike #1 - twin sisters

We made our first hike today, up to 11,428 feet, and 8 miles round trip. Our net elevation gain was 2,388 feet. I was really surprised that I felt no affects from the altitude--no one did. We took a steady pace up the mountain and did what everyone told us to do--drink lots of water and snack often. I carried a 3 liter camelback bladder and drank it all by the time we got to the bottom. Reaching the summit was pretty cool. You’ll see me standing at the top in a picture below. We hung out for about an hour (trying to further acclimate) so I turned on the iPod--the shuffle (I didn’t want to carry anymore weight than I had to)--and “read” a book. Only once were we passed by an elderly couple but it was going downhill and they had some momentum! My legs are sore and I’m ready for bed. Tomorrow we’ll hike Hallett Peak (12,700 feet).

hiking trip

I’m sure you all remember my trials of working out that began last February. The point was not for the embarrassment, but for the trip I’m leaving on tomorrow. My friend, John, turns 40 this month and wanted me to go hike Long’s Peak in Colorado with him. I thought this was a good idea six months ago. I thought this was a good idea six months ago. Yeah, that just keeps echoing in my head. I’m sure I’ll sit on the summit 14,000 feet above the earth and be changed by the experience. I’m sure I’ll never be the same again. For real. Like my legs and my lungs. Anyway, check back in during my five-day trip, Friday through Tuesday to read the updates.

P.S. This picture is of Mount Everest, the highest mountain in the world. We’re not hiking it. It will just feel like it.

another season

Another season of baseball is over. I lose track as to how many we’ve survived, definitely some better than others. This year was all about learning to lose gracefully. And they did--lose a lot. I forget how many games they played, 20 or so, but it felt like a full 162-game season. Caleb said tonight that he was glad it was over, as it felt much longer when they lost so many games.

These three pictures are from one of Caleb’s best games (some of my better shots). He took his shut-out into the 4th inning, pitched into the 5th only giving up one run and then got pulled for too many pitches. This was the first year this team played together, and they had fun--how ‘bout that. Rest for the weary, until another season.

virgin falls 2008

Caleb, my nephew Hogan, and I spent last weekend at Virgin Falls Pocket Wilderness just outside of Sparta, Tennessee (home of Lester Flatt ... hmm ... fortunately, we didn’t hear any banjo music). I’ve hiked Virgin Falls several times but it’s been about seven or eight years since I’ve been--I forgot how difficult the hike is. This was the second time Caleb has been backpacking with me and Hogan’s first time. When we finished, we took this picture at the trailhead (more in the photo album bottom right of my blog). As Hogan was waiting for me to put up the camera he was reading the map and said, “What does ‘strenuous’ mean?” The hike is listed as moderate to strenuous--sometimes it’s listed as difficult--I have to say it’s one of the hardest hikes I’ve been on outside of Colorado, where the altitude gets you. The boys did a great job.

We made base camp at Big Laurel Falls after deciding not to pack it all the way into Virgin Falls (about 4.5 miles). The boys had a blast exploring the cave (basically a huge rock overhang) while I spent about two hours reading my new book. When we finally went to bed and turned off the lantern it was the darkest I can remember. There was a canopy of trees blocking out the moon and our fire had died out. You really couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. I thought the boys were going to freak out but they held it together--each one praying, “God, please keep us safe.” We were the only ones in the entire preserve. I swear I kept hearing the dark swarm from Lost, but I think it was the locusts.

The next day we hiked another two miles into Virgin Falls (other picture). It's a pretty spectacular sight. The water appears from an underground cave, falls 110 feet and then disappears into another cave. We climbed to the top of the falls and the air from underground, where the water emerges from the cave, feels like air conditioning. Obviously we hung out there for sometime.

The boys talked me out of staying the second night (I really didn’t complain after waking up every hour the night before) and we hiked the rest of the way out. It was a killer, half of the way literally climbing up the mountain on all fours. At one point we passed an older couple day hiking. We were sweating and must have looked like we just crawled out of a hole. We chatted a minute saying, “You’re just getting ready for the hard part.” A few minutes later we’d stopped to rest and they past us heading back towards the parking lot. I think we ruined their trip--sorry to you two--but I’m not sure they’d have made it.

Once we were out we cranked the AC in the suburban and changed into our last clean clothes. We drove into Cookeville and invaded the Zaxby’s with our stench. We didn’t care. We ate everything we could find. Caleb tried to convince us to get a hotel room, swim and eat out, but we overruled him and drove home. It was a great trip and the boys and I had a blast. I’m sure we’ll hit an easier trail before going back to Virgin Falls, but we will do it again. It’s a great hike, beautiful scenery, and worth the pain--everywhere.